My Immortal
by sallene
Summary: Vaughn talks to Sydney at her grave


***AN. Usual disclaimers apply. I own nothing Alias related. The characters belong to ABC and JJ.  
  
This is a song fic set to My Immortal by Evanescence. I'm sure there have been fics using this song before, but I had to get it out of my system anyway. It is Vaughn, talking to Sydney at her grave.**

***************************  
  
_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone_  
  
Sydney, after you died, I didn't know what to do. I became half a man. I didn't know how to live my life without you. You were my life. You were my soul. How do you live without your soul? It's not really living like that, you know. It's just being. And I don't want to be here without you. I don't know how to be at all anymore.  
  
_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_  
  
It hurts so badly, Syd. I never thought that it was possible to feel this way. It hurt when my father died, but that was different. I lost my life when you died. How can I live without my life? Time has passed, but the pain has never subsided. I still feel as if I lost you only yesterday.  
  
_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_  
  
Do you remember all of those times that you came to me? I was always there for you, Syd. I always tried my best to make things better. When you were hurt, I was there for you to have a shoulder to cry on. When you had bad dreams at night, I always held you until you calmed down. I bet you didn't even know that I did that. I would have done anything for you. I'll always belong to you.  
  
_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me_  
  
The first time I saw you, with that Bozo hair, I thought you were insane. Truly insane. But, slowly, I got to know you. You were such an amazing person, Sydney. You brought life with you wherever you went. You gave me a new life, one that I never knew existed. But, then you left me here alone. How am I supposed to do this alone, Syd? I don't know if I can. I have nightmares at night about your death. I used to have such wonderful dreams about us, about our future. Now, I just hear your screams resonate in my head. I wake up sweating and out of breath, hating myself for not being able to save you. I hear your voice, you know. It's as if you're standing right here beside me. And it's slowly driving me mad.   
  
_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_  
  
It's been a long time now, Syd. It's not getting any easier. I have to remind myself to breathe. You are still here with me, right beside me. You're so close, yet I can't see you or touch you. I would give anything to hold you again, to know that you are really here.  
  
_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_  
  
I would still be here for you, Syd. You know that. I would be your lover, your heart, and your strength. Whenever you needed me, and even when you didn't, I would be there. Well, I'm still here Syd, even if you're not. I'm just living in a state of limbo, trying to stay alive. Sometimes I don't care. Sometimes I want to join you. The only thing that keeps me from that is knowing that you wouldn't want me to give up. But, I'm still yours, Syd.  
  
_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
And though your still with me  
I've been alone all along_  
  
I lie to myself all of the time, simply pretending that you are here and none of it happened. At first, I tried to tell myself to move on because you were gone. The Sydney that I knew and loved, yes loved, would never come back. You were dead. It didn't work. You were still right there with me, every second of every day. But, Syd, you're not here and I'm alone. I've been alone since you left. Even when I'm with friends or family, I'm not really there, because, lets face it, you can't really be anywhere unless you're alive. And I'm not. I just exist.  
  
_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_  
  
I've pretended to move on, Syd, but I haven't. Not really. I've gotten married, and even though she is a lovely woman, she is not you. It's not fair to her really. But, she knows about you. She knows and she accepts it. She lost someone too, you know. That is why we understand each other. I'm still alone, though. I'm alone because there was only one person who could make me whole. No matter what, Syd, I'm yours. I will never forget you, for you are always going to be with me. I love you.


End file.
